By Larry Urish, contributing writer
“Dude, what’s it like circling the drain?”
Any rational person with even one molecule of compassion would agree that this is something you don’t ask anyone who’s dying. It’s a no-brainer: Humor doesn’t belong in any death-related scenario or discussion.
Christian Seiter, assistant professor in Cal State Fullerton’s Department of Human Communication Studies, doesn’t align with this belief, and his stance isn’t based on opinion. It’s based on meticulous research. His study, “Death Walks Into a Bar: Humor and Profanity in Advanced Care Planning Messages,” examines the role of joking, as well as cursing, in end-of-life advanced-care planning.
The man who created autocorrect has died. May he restaurant in peace.
News flash: We’re all gonna die. Seiter notes that denying death doesn’t help anyone, and that for many, especially young and healthy people, planning ahead for our eternal “dirt nap” is something that’s easily ignored. Humor, he contends, can help. “It can make conversations about death more accessible.”
Seiter found his niche in end-of-life-communication research in an unlikely manner. “I was a trained actor. I have a BFA and was always interested in comedy. When I was later at the University of Rochester, I started to develop theater-based workshops to help health care providers have end-of-life conversations. My sense of humor has always gotten me through some challenging things, and I happened upon the Death Positive movement.”
One may assume that Death Positive is a “grassroots” movement, since most of us eventually wind up staring up at the “wrong side of the lawn” (well, at least those who aren’t poured into an urn). The DP movement encourages people to communicate openly about death, dying and (ewww!) even corpses. DP folks seek to lower anxiety related to death and end the silence around death-related topics, including end-of-life discussions.
The psychic said, “Treat every day as if it were your last. Especially this Thursday.”
Seiter co-authored his study with associate professor Zac Johnson, chair of CSUF’s Department of Human Communication Studies. In their research effort, published last May in the journal “Death Studies,” 604 participants listened to one of three podcasts about advanced-care planning: messages delivered with clean humor, profane humor or no humor. The results indicated that to best facilitate end-of-life discussions and encourage appropriate action, advanced-care-planning “motivators” should avoid profanity and use humor cautiously.
How does humor work to assist in end-of-life discussions? “It relies on surprise, something that can shake us out of our automatic processing,” Seiter said. “It catches our attention, which could be a good or a bad thing, depending on whether or not someone is offended by dark humor. For those who are curious about this subject but are dealing with a societal stigma, having a way to demystify the fear by using humor can be effective. … If you know that those involved are amenable to humor — if it’s a big part of their identity — that’s fine. However, if you’re not sure how the person or people in question will react to humor in a death-related conversation, play it safe: Don’t do it.
My mother-in-law has a blunt way of going about things,” Seiter added. “She’ll often say something like, ‘If I ever get dementia, give me a glass of my favorite whiskey and shoot me in the backyard.’ This is someone who enjoys the sicko one-liners. Humor will help her.”
About a month before he died, my uncle had his back covered in lard. After that, he went downhill fast.
Seiter had a target demographic in mind when he did the study. “I really wasn’t focusing on the elderly. I wanted to appeal to a younger audience, like millennials. I want to know how we start death-related conversations for people who don’t see them as relevant.”
Although the Grim Reaper isn’t on Seiter’s dance card anytime soon — then again, maybe that cement truck rounding the corner on two wheels has his name on it — he’s followed his own advice by engaging in end-of-life planning.
“There are a few documents everyone should complete,” he said. “Most important is a health care power of attorney. Designate the person to make decisions if you can’t decide for yourself. The second is a living will. This relates to specific medical treatments and the type of care you get if you can’t communicate your decisions. … In any event, it’s always helpful to be curious. Have an interest in discussing death aloud.”
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