By Dr. Christopher Min
Contributing Columnist
Thanksgiving and the holiday season are ideal times to reflect on the things in life you’re grateful for. But for people who are struggling, the holidays can be particularly tough.
As a pediatric psychologist, I see children, teens and young adults dealing with emotional challenges regardless of the season. But the year-end whirlwind of family get-togethers and celebrations can make things worse for those who are struggling.
I recently saw a young teenager who had experienced bullying at school.
“What are some things in your life you’re grateful for?” I asked them.
“Nothing,” they responded. “I hate everything.”
Eventually, our conversation turned to their dog.
The teen’s eyes came alive.
“No matter what happens,” they said, “when I come home and see my dog, who has been with me through all my hardships, he’s happy. He sees that I’m his friend.”
In an instant, the teen realized something they were grateful for: the unconditional love and acceptance of a pet.
“What would your life be like if you didn’t have a dog?” I asked.
The thought, to the teen, was unfathomable.
“I don’t think I would have made it,” they said.
Avoiding the downward spiral
Practicing gratitude can make a significant, positive impact on a person’s emotional and physical health.
And it shouldn’t be reserved for the end of the year.
Holidays can remind us of all the things that may be missing in our lives. But it’s important not to fall into the downward spiral of negative thinking by focusing on what we don’t have.
Flip the paradigm. Instead of thinking, “Here’s where I should be” or “Here’s what I should have” or “This is what I think I deserve,” start from the bottom.
Think, instead, “What are the things I do have?” “Who are some of the important people in my life?”
No matter how difficult a situation you may be in, chances are there’s something in your life to be grateful for.
The proper mindset
Before practicing gratitude, be in the right mindset.
Stressed because you’re about to take an exam?
That’s the wrong mindset.
Put your electronic devices aside. Turn off the news. Be in a quiet setting.
Then, reflect on things you’re grateful for. Run through your day. Was there someone you met who was nice or helped you?
A note about social media: There’s nothing that will drain someone’s sense of gratitude more than looking at all the things others post about online. Remember that these posts are highlights of people’s lives – not their day-to-day reality.
Use social media with intention – and not for doom scrolling.
Practicing gratitude can increase how often you experience desirable emotions such as happiness, pride and contentment. It can also decrease more challenging emotions such as anxiety and depression.
So, give yourself a present this holiday season: a heaping serving of gratitude.
Dr. Christopher Min is a pediatric psychologist who oversees mental health programs, including school-based programs, at Children’s Hospital of Orange County.
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